Karma
by Kylara Kitsune
Summary: I should have known my behaviour would come back to bite me in the behind one day. Axel/Riku.


**AN: After four rewrites, and three and a half hours, I finally have something I'm prepared to put online. I don't know where my muse has gone - it wouldn't normally take that long to write something this length. I don't own any of the characters - I just borrow them. Prompt number 60 from the 100 challenge - "rejection". Axel/Riku.**

I should have known my behaviour would come back to bite me in the behind one day. It was inevitable, I suppose, because karma's a bitch like that. I used to spend hours taunting Roxas when he was pining for Sora. I wish I hadn't. He now feels completely justified in taunting me. I don't know why I bothered to tell him my problem. I never meant to fall in love – I didn't really think I could. After all, I'm a Nobody, and am therefore missing a heart. Still, it happened, somehow. And the object of my affections? Someone I know is just using me because he can't have Sora. (He doesn't know I know that.) His name? Riku.

………………

Unbeknownst to Sora, I'd been in love with him, head over heels in love, since I knew what that meant. That's why I reacted in the overly dramatic way that I did when he and Roxas announced their relationship. Oh, I said all the right things, smiled and pretended to be pleased for them, but inside I was devastated. I guess I'd always thought that the two of us would end up together. But it just wasn't to be.

I needed something, anything, to take my mind off what had just happened, and that's when I ran into Axel. Not many people knew about his attraction to Roxas, but I did, and I knew exactly how he must have been feeling. We ended up in a cheap hotel room, tearing each other's clothes off and fucking like there was no tomorrow. It really didn't matter in the slightest who did what to whom – it was simply a way to forget the pain of rejection.

It continued for months – every time one of us saw Sora and Roxas together, flaunting (unconsciously) their relationship, we ended up in bed. It became an almost nightly occurrence, a way to cope with the daytime and the heartache we both knew it would bring.

If those words hadn't slipped from Axel's mouth one night, I wouldn't have realised. I'm not sure he knew what he was saying – he hadn't been properly coherent for a while (and yes, I was entirely responsible for that). Strange how those same three words make so many couples so happy, but right then, they were the last words on earth I wanted to hear.

"I love you."

I admit, I panicked. Those three words, so quiet I almost didn't hear them, could turn my world upside-down yet again. I couldn't say I loved him – I'd have been lying. I didn't love him then, and I don't love him now. I did the only thing I could think of at the time; I pretended I hadn't heard him.

I know that this thing, whatever it is, should have come to an end that day. If that's how Axel really felt, then it would be too painful for him to be around me when I didn't, couldn't reciprocate. But it's one thing to say it, and another thing altogether to cast out the person who's been keeping you sane, allowing you to pretend it's all ok. I may not love him, but I sure as hell need him.

It got me thinking, though. Maybe we weren't so incompatible after all. I mean, if the sex had been that dreadful, neither of us would have kept going back for more, as if we were addicted. I needed him, yes, and when I allowed myself to admit it, I wanted him, too. I've no idea why – we didn't do any of the things that normal couples did, but we weren't a couple, not really. We were just fuck buddies. Friends with benefits, or however you want to phrase it. Hell, we hadn't even kissed. That had been our one unbreakable rule – kissing was what people in love did, and we weren't in love with each other, so we wouldn't kiss.

We didn't meet again for a week, and when we did, we both felt incredibly awkward.

"I'm sorry about… what I said."

He couldn't meet my eyes, bit until I tilted his face up to look at me. "Did you mean it?"

"Damn it, Riku, this was never meant to happen. Can't we just forget about it, pretend it never happened?"

"Don't you think we've done enough pretending?"

I leaned forwards and kissed him. I must have been feeling brave, because I wouldn't normally do something like that. At first, I thought I'd made a huge mistake, but I soon changed my mind when he started to respond. I could definitely get used to this.

………………

I'd put up with a week of Roxas telling me to "grow some balls and just tell the guy". Big words for someone so small. I'd actually psyched myself up to tell Riku, that day when he kissed me.

"Does this mean you like me, Riku?"

"Like you?" He smirked. He smirked at me. How dare he? "I think I could, yes."

For now, I could live with that.

**AN: So, acceptable fic or complete mess? Click the review button to tell me.**


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